Biden Promises to “Stick Around”… Beachside
In a stunning revelation that shocked absolutely no one, President Joe Biden has pledged to continue “serving” the nation in the most selfless way imaginable—by basking in the sun on a pristine beach. In a stirring speech to an enthusiastic congregation in South Carolina, Biden made it clear stating “I’m not going anywhere”. No, not even when faced with the unimaginable hardship of trading Washington’s sterile, air-conditioned halls of power for the soothing embrace of ocean waves and golden sands.
“I’m not going anywhere”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Biden announced, his voice filled with a gravitas one would expect from a man leading a nation, rather than lounging on the shore. “I’ll be right here, working tirelessly… to catch some rays.” He wasn’t kidding, he insisted—this was serious work.
As the crowd hung on his every word, Biden’s sense of duty weighed heavy on him, as evidenced by his casual beachwear and the iced tea clutched in his hand. After all, it takes a nation to bear witness to the immense sacrifice of a President who can still commit to tirelessly overseeing the free world while indulging in an afternoon nap at the beach.
This was a truly “difficult” choice
The President explained that the decision to spend his final day at the beach wasn’t a light one. Oh, no. This was a truly “difficult” choice, a formidable feat of leadership that required a “nation to bear witness” to the pain he feels.
To be sure, there was no easy way to reconcile spending the last day of his presidency away from the Beach as Winter had truly set in, but somehow, Biden found the strength to carry on.
It’s the thought that counts
“I’m just as passionate about our work as I was when I was 29,” Biden continued, perhaps forgetting that most 29-year-olds are typically more passionate about other things, but hey, it’s the thought that counts.
He did, after all, emphasize that he was “just as passionate” as when he was a young man, likely implying that the only thing that’s changed over the decades is that now he enjoys wearing a linen shirt and shorts more than a suit and tie. But the passion, as he pointed out, is still “very” much there.
And just in case anyone thought he might be a tad weary from four years of keeping the nation’s affairs in check, Biden was quick to assure everyone that he was, in fact, not tired. Not in the slightest. “I’ll continue working hard,” he declared, presumably while reclining on a lounge chair, enjoying a cocktail. He vowed to remain ever-diligent, even if the closest he gets to “working hard” is between dipping his toes in the sand.
It’s truly inspiring to see a man so willing to sacrifice his comfort for the good of the country. So, as we watch the sun dip below the horizon on Biden’s final day in office, we can all rest easy knowing that while the world’s crises unfold, he’ll be there, in his beach chair, overseeing it all with unwavering dedication—and SPF 50.
