Witnesses for the Prosecution

Michael Cohen being recorded

The case of NY vs Trump is winding down in court. The prosecution has presented its case with 34 charges accusing Trump of being mean with documents.

Key Witnesses


Stormy Daniels was a Witness for the Prosecution. Her claims to fame include talking to dead people and living in a haunted house. It has yet to be determined if she sleeps with dead people. She also says she blacked out in Trump’s suite. It has yet to be determined if she also blacked out during the filming of porno flicks. Also, did she talk to Joe Biden’s Uncle Bozie to find out about the cannibals? No mention was made if Trump’s Suite or penthouse were haunted. For the answer, we have to wait for the book which will surely be out soon.

Stormy is seeking a position as a missionary claiming her encounter with Trump is job experience. She was also mad that Trump did not put her on The Apprentice. We at DogFacePonia are wondering what apprentice position she was auditioning for. As far as we know there was never an apprentice for porno flicks or how to extort money.

The Fixer

Kohen is the Hebrew word for Priest. The prosecution is seeking divine intervention to save their case by having Michael Cohen as a Witness for the Prosecution. This key witness has taken the stand. He has been convicted of bearing false witness so will he do it again? Cohen looks visibly nervous. God is watching. He has a great record of serial perjury but has he been a lawyer for dead people? Only Stormy knows for sure. When asked Cohen said yes because Trump is going to be “dead meat when I get done testifying”. Disbarred he now feels attorney-client privilege doesn’t apply to him. You can’t be disbarred more than once at a time.

Cohen says he lied “in order to accomplish his task but is not lying to accomplish this task (Trump’s conviction). He is instead lying to make money on Tic Toc and merchandise. Cohen is a better witness because he recorded interactions with Trump and Stormy didn’t. He also has exceptional selective recollection. A book coauthored with Stormy is not out of the realm of possibility. Cohen is shopping a reality show The Fixer.

What’s next?

Even the View has questioned the credibility of these witnesses. But what choice do the Democrats have they are running out of time and cases against Trump. Alvin Bragg hopes to get a conviction where Jack Smith and Fani Willis have so far failed. He’s like a 3rd string QB running the offense on a 3rd rate case. Biden can’t be expected to run and try to beat Trump for real. If this doesn’t work they are considering replacing Biden or causing another pandemic. Let’s Go Brandon!

Image From: “Trump executive Michael Cohen 014” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by IowaPolitics.com