New government regulations are proposed to require all investors and mutual funds to have a specified percentage of black and brown owned companies and green energy companies in their portfolios. Companies that are both green and Black or brown receive credit in both categories.
Investment firms will have to have a specific percentage of black and brown brokers and analysts. Financial guru Kermit the frog was interviewed for input on the policy. He is quoted as saying “It aint easy being green”.
Regulators also pointed out that if too many white investors buy black and brown stocks the ownership balance might change. To hit two birds with one stone it was suggested that reparations should be made with black stocks.
New Indexes will be created. The Black and Brown 500 (B&B 500) will measure they top 500 companies based on black ownership percentage not the actual value of the companies. This way white people know where to invest to avoid scrutiny. Also the Woke BLM Industrial Average will measure the “wokeness” of each company rather than the stock price.
“This is important in these times to measure stocks based on contributions to black causes. Causes like Peaceful Rioting and removing voter ID so we can steal elections.” said Stacy Abrams “PE ratios are just another way White People oppress Black People”
A rise in no-show CEOs and board members is expected. Credits will be given to companies with Be Less White (BLW) programs. This could help them be in the black. If Black ownership goes down or they are not less white, they would be in the white.
We at DogFacePonia are confused. We are not sure this makes any sense for the markets, but we know it doesn’t make dollars. What is the worst that could happen – another Black Tuesday? Pretty sure that is what they are going for. We will keep you up to date on the new regulations as they are codified.