NRA Rattled by Lawsuit

New York’s attorney general has announced a lawsuit “aimed at dissolving the powerful NRA over alleged financial mismanagement.” The suit alleges that top NRA executives misused charitable funds for personal gain, awarded contracts to friends and family members, and provided contracts to former employees to ensure loyalty.

The NRA (National Rattle Association) is confused as to why they are being targeted. “We not only will not shrink from this fight – we will confront it and prevail.” said the NRA.

“Why does Biden want Beto O’Rourke to take away your rattles?” they ask. Beto O’Rourke originally only wanted to take away assault rattles but now appears to want to take away all rattles. Amendment 4 says the right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures shall not be violated. Doesn’t the 4th amendment protect against search and seizure of rattles?

Charlton Heston was a great supporter of the NRA and is quoted as saying “when you pry it from my cold, dead hands”.  We at NRA find that a bit extreme but appreciate the sentiment.

This is a 2nd amendment issue.  Amendment 2 says a well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear rattles, shall not be infringed. We need to take to the street in defense of the rattle.

We at DogFacePonia do not believe that rattles are a danger to our children and that rattle confiscation will improve safety. Police have non-lethal rattles in their arsenal to use against peaceful protesters.