These are some famous people and the highlights of their lives which have qualified them for prominent positions in Congress.
First Candidate
- Connoisseur of expensive ice cream
- Takes maskless care of hair even in Covid times
- Masks for me but not for thee unless you are with me
- Impossible to raise her eyebrows
- Cultural appropriation is a fashion statement
- Prolific botox user
- Proof of vaccination required
Second candidate
- Almost murdered by Ted Cruz
- Mixology skills
- Economic expert
- Sexually frustrated Republicans obsessed with her and want to date her
- Promoted progressive pen pal program to save the post office
Third candidate
- Former Chicago Television personality and host
- Always wore a blue suit
- Supported children
- Outstanding name recognition
- Never raised his eyebrows either
- Gave away transportation (Schwinn bikes) to guests who played “The Grand Prize Game“
Four Candidate
- Censured by the GOP
- Father is Darth Vader and a crack shot to boot
- Chaired the House Republican Conference, the third-highest position in the House Republican leadership
- Removed from leadership in May 2021
- Hasn’t appeared in Wyoming for two years
- Supported second impeachment of Donald Trump
- Is a Member of the 90s band “Pelosi’s Republicans”
Fifth Candidate
- Ronald McDonald Was the Inspiration
- Preys on children ( might currently be employed by Pfizer)
- Two fears of It are courage and heart.
- Older than the universe
- He/she/they is a shapeshifter and he/she/they manifests himself/herself/itself in the form of something that his/her/its victims fear. So for us it could be A $30 Trillion debt or a booster shoot depending on the situation.
- Archenemy is a turtle
- Can speak Swedish
- Is not dead
These Famous people have much in common. As we can all see Clowns to the Left and Jokers to the right here I am stuck in the middle with you. Nancy Pelosi, AOC, Liz Cheney, Pennywise and Bozo the clown have credentials which qualify them for Congress. We at DogFacePonia think we should run one of our ponies for office. They have experience and credentials exceeding those above.
Image From: “send_in_the_clowns” (CC BY 2.0) by easement
