Almost Murders are on the rise. Robin Hood Almost Murdered Tom Cruise. Almost Murders almost could be a threat to national security, or stock securities and Billionaire Hedge Fund Managers at Citadel. AOC was apparently Almost Murdered by Ted Cruz and it almost makes as much sense as most things AOC says.
The Dictionary says murder is “to kill (someone) unlawfully and with premeditation.” Now AOC was not killed and Ted Cruz clearly was not premeditating a plan to do so by objecting to election results. But AOC says she had to hide because their were overzealous almost erectionists in the lobby taking pictures in Bear Costumes. Well I had to hide under the table while playing hide and go seek with my 3 year old son wearing a paw patrol costume but I am not claiming he Almost Murdered me (being a parent is hard). The logic of Democrats is hard to follow at times.
Almost Murders (not to be confused with Attempted Murder which is an actual thing and an actual crime) are something out of Minority Report. I am not talking about BLM here, I am talking about Tom Cruise. In the movie Minority Report, Tom Cruise does some magical computer stuff in the Pre-crime division in Washington DC. They determine using Psychics when an (Almost) Murder is going to happen and they arrest everyone in advance. This I guess is what AOC must be thinking of only this makes more sense and almost has something to do with murder.
That said the entire democratic party may be planning to arrest all conservatives for the pre-crime of Almost Murdering them because we happen to have different political views and values than they do. It seems the only actual murder was Parler that was killed in a premediated way by Apple, Google, Twitter and Amazon.
On to Robin Hood almost murdering Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise was considered for the role of Robin Hood (Not the App) in the 90s Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves movie. The Role ended up going to Kevin Costner and almost murdered his acting career. Had Tom Cruise taken the role it might have Almost Murdered his.
We here at Dogfaceponia have one message for you from all this. Whatever you do, don’t buy Game Stop (GME ticker symbol) stock. The Robin Hood App might have you Almost Murdered.
FACT-Checking Note: Dogfaceponia factcheckers have determined Tom Cruise was never being considered for the role of Robin Hood.
FACT-Checking Note 2.0: AOC was not at the capital so could not be hiding from men in bear costumes.
FACT-Checking Note 3.0: I was actually hiding from my son in a Paw Patrol Costume.
Image From: “Kate Quite Likes Kevin Costner” (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) by Pat Scullion
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