Vaccine Priority Lists for Dummies

Vaccines are rolling out across the country.  Given the decentralized nature of our union, different distribution based on higher risk is being implemented locally by states and local government. We here at Dogfaceponia thought we could help explain it to the masses.

  • In San Franscisco, salons/hairstylists serving Nancy Pelosi have been prioritized for early vaccine reception. Gourmet ice cream makers and deliverers are next in line.
  • Any one associated with the French Laundry is similarly high on the list to receive the vaccine. The government wants to protect its $2.4 million in PPP loans.
  • In Portland and Seattle, peaceful protesters top the list. This does not include Antifa because that is just an idea.
  • Georgia late night ballot counters are receiving shots as we speak. They are preparing to steal the Senatorial Election.
  • In New York, priority is being given to drug addicts in rehab over elderly in nursing homes. There are still too many old white people in nursing homes despite previous efforts to reduce the population.
  • In Delaware, Hunter has arranged a vaccine after setting up a meeting with his father. If that fails he is arranging to go into rehab in New York.
  • Follicularly challenged.
  • Cuomo and Newsome Party Guests, because they need to be safe and have a good time even though you can’t.

So even if you want the vaccine you are not on the list.

Image From: “42 Gov Cuomo” (CC BY 2.0) by Felton Davis