Biden Bringing Out the Dead to Vote

Ghosts have been sighted at Gettysburg.  The Republican Party is on record as being opposed to dead people voting but Democrats believe that refusing to allow dead people to vote is voter suppression. The soldiers are on the Pennsylvania voter roles and a ballot was delivered to each soldier at his current address in the cemetery. The ghosts are rising from the grave to fill out the ballots and vote by mail. They clearly must be Democratic because they are allowed to vote after they are dead.

Republicans ended slavery which made some confederate soldiers roll over in their graves. Trump is a racist (according to the Liberal Media) so they are conflicted. However, Biden has made a number of statements that encourage them to vote Democratic.  He also supported the KKK Exalted Cyclops Robert Byrd. Some of the Ghosts have been informed that they died of COVID-19 and that was Trump’s fault. They also know that their votes won’t count unless they vote Democratic. Some ghosts have been watching the Biden Underground Movie Marathon. Biden hopes these reasons lead to a vote for him.

One confederate soldier asked Biden why he should vote for him. Biden responded “If you don’t vote for me, you ain’t dead.” The soldier exclaimed, “I’m down with that.” Another confederate soldier said “I used to ride with Nathaniel Bedford Forrest now I plan on riding with Biden”.

It is estimated that between 46,000 and 51,000 people died in the three-day battle at Gettysburg. Trump won by just 44,292 votes in Pennsylvania 2016 over Hillary Clinton. If things work out like 2016, Biden needs to get approximately 96 % of the dead vote to prevail. Hillary ignored this key demographic.

In other news, Patrick Swayze has announced he plans to vote for Biden.

Image From: “Rodney-9829” (CC BY-ND 2.0) by MSMcCarthy Photography