CDC says No Pants, No Problem

No Problem New Vintage Jeans Label

The CDC announced today that people can once again go without pants. Though it has not been put into law yet “No Pants passports” may be on the way.

No Pants Day is expected to be a big loser after this announcement. It was only May 7, 2021 and the CDC was still recommending two pairs of pants. Now going forward everyday will be “No Pants Day.” It appears the crazy No Pants rallies have paid off. Schumer once again was caught babbling about erections at the capitol. AOC said that she was almost murdered by Ted Cruz because he encouraged a pant-less world. AOC continued by saying the last time she saw so many people without pants was at the frat house while she was getting her economics degree.

Jeffrey Toobin also filed a lawsuit against CNN, claiming he has absolute proof that pants were never needed. He said he should be allowed to show off his goods during meetings to provide excitement for his viewers.

We interviewed some Walmart shoppers about missing pants, and they all seemed to agree that a pants less shopper is not the weirdest thing they have ever seen in Walmart. Walmart will post a sign saying No shirt, No mask, No service. No pants, No problem.

No Pants Passports are expected to be well accepted by everyone,” Biden said, in a press conference today. If you have your STD screening up to date you can once again get the free feeling of no pants. We have not heard whether Joe Biden plans to wear pants for the rest of Term. CNN coverage today has been exposing a new conspiracy theory that suggest that Joe Biden has not been wearing “the pants” in the White House since day one. Don Lemon said this is a crazy thought and proceeded to blame Trump as the real anti-pantser. DogFacePonia has seen no proof that Trump ever went without pants during his time at the White House, but we should not hold CNN (Crazy News Network) to the same expectations as real news.

We here in DogFacePonia are extremely worried about seeing dogs and ponies without pants. The world may very well be in danger. We cannot sacrifice our freedom for the needs of the few. Some are even saying the only reasons this is happening is because Joe Biden was caught with his pants off wandering around the White House lawn. It appears the footage is only on Hunter Biden’s nonexistent laptop. We will provide updates soon as peaceful panty protesters take to the streets. It is our expectation that these panty protests will be just as peaceful as BLM protests. No news yet if Anti-Pants will be active as BLM, but we know coverage will be limited. Rumor has it BLM is in need of a diaper change currently disrupting the poll metrics.

Image From: “No Problem, New Vintage Jeans, 2/2015,” (CC BY 2.0) by JeepersMedia