There will be a funeral today for Freedom of the Press. The cause of death was listed as apathy. Freedom of Religion will not attend because of prolonged lockdown due to the Covid Virus. The Right to Bear Arms has successfully defended itself but has been under attack.
Other members of the Greatest Generation have not been informed of the death. Twitter and Facebook have cancelled the obituary.
Freedom of Speech has been struggling in the cancel culture where a person can be canceled after expressing an opposing opinion. Out of work now, he is unable to afford a plane ticket or for that matter a mask. Those who do attend are being put on the no fly list and stranded. Freedom of Assembly has RSVP’d but his appearance at the funeral could result in cancellation for others which will likely make turnout small.
Excessive Bail will attend because his cost has now been reduced to zero. One man one vote has been diminished and will be attending a Stop the Steal Rally if he has enough strength. His actions caused him to be placed on the Accountbility List so he too will likely be out of work soon. He cannot afford to hire Tortious Interference to sue.
There will be a reception after the funeral where Involuntary Servitude will be allowed. Enumerated Rights were unable to reserve a table. Unreasonable search and seizure took away the food and drinks before guests arrived.
The Constitution looked on sadly as his friends become disabled or died. Double jeopardy will no longer intervene to save them next time.