Redskins Renamed Pansies

The Washington Redskins have agreed to change their name.  They said they will be known in the future as the Washington No Names.  The Colorado town of No Name has immediately objected to the appropriation of their name. Also, the only known person who claimed to have no name was, you guessed it, an Indian. When asked his name, he said: “I have none, because there were no people to name me,” meaning that there was no other Yahi to speak his name on his behalf. They were eliminated in a genocide.

The Redskins then considered the Washington Statues but that suggested immobility.  There was also a concern that everyone would try to pull the stadium down with chains mistakenly thinking it was a monument when the name went up.

The name Pansies was finally selected to reflect the strength of the ownership which gave in to demands for a name change after standing firm for many years. The NFL appreciates all who take a knee. The name was unlikely to cause protests although give it time. The horticulture lobby may grow in strength. The fallback mascot is DogfacePony but that might be unacceptable to FedEx because the dogfacepony express is their competition.

Image From: “Yellow Pansie” (CC BY 2.0) by brianfagan