The administration this week felt the need to report that Secretary of Defense Austin did not have non-elective surgery on December 22. The most common elective surgical procedure includes Plastic surgery. Plastic surgeries are procedures performed to reconstruct or replace parts of the body after an injury or for cosmetic reasons. Strangely enough, it is now being reported that the Secretary of Defense did have prostate cancer which would have been elective surgery.
There have been several erroneous reports which the Pentagon cleared up today:
- Austin did not have sex reassignment surgery.
- Austin did not return to the hospital and eventually Intensive Care because of a reaction to puberty blockers
- There are no reports that Austin had walked too close to an open window in a hotel or on a yacht and certainly not in Russia. Putin did not spread Clinton disease to Austin nor was poison involved.
- Austen was not reported to have spent time on Epstein’s Island.
- Austin’s paintings did not sell for 250,000 dollars and he did not ghost paint for Hunter Biden.
- Austen is not suspected to have contracted Clinton disease by any means.
- Definitely, Austin handled the Afghanistan withdrawal in a superior manner.
- Despite his absence, Austin is not dead and there was no funeral planned to bury him in Arlington National Cemetery.
Clearly, the White House was not alerted to the various illnesses Austin did not have. They were not alerted to his change in residence to the Intensive Care Unit. He was reported to be working from home (ICU). He had his finger on the world’s pulse as nurses had their finger on his pulse.
The Pentagon has made it clear they will alert the public to all illnesses that officials like Austen do not have. We here at DogFacePonia are totally lost. We will continue to monitor the situation, hoping we can determine what health issues government officials don’t have.
In other news, Joe Biden has not tripped over any Buffalos lately. Also, the writer of this post does not have dementia. A new movie is in production titled Wag the DogFacePony.
Image From: US Government, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons