In response to recent security failures at the capital, Joe Biden has determined that he will take the oath of office as Not my President in his basement. For security reasons, Biden will not be announcing this change. Inauguration tickets (all 12 of them, Mike Pence will still be in Attendance) will be honored just as usual. Joe Biden will have a look a like stand in for other events. All parades will be virtual. There will be fireworks on everyone’s screens with the most advanced technology Zoom has to offer.
At a reception afterwards, Chinese food and ice cream will be served to guests with crack provided free of charge by Hunter and the Chinese government. Mrs. Biden will be wearing a dress by Ima Wang to the Inaugural Ball, Joe will be wearing a black and white floral tuxedo with a mandarin collar by Chinese Designer Chow Mein.
Biden’s other children are in witness protection and will not be attending. They have been in hiding since being photographed wearing MAGA hats. They claim photoshopping was responsible. They also claim the Mac Shop has provided Rudy Giuliani with laptops that he claims are theirs but are really Russian disinformation.
Of course we all know the raid on the capital was staged so Joe doesn’t need to leave the basement. This way he won’t be embarrassed by the 5 person crowd that shows up for the smallest inauguration ever event.
The Actor Jake Angeli had originally planed to attend the inauguration in his full costume. He was assured that all Antifa rioters have been released immediately by The District Attorneys in the past. Why would it be any different this time?
We here at Dogfaceponia are sure the Biden Presidency will continue with him not needing to answer any questions from Reporters and hiding in his basement. He is truly going to show how strong we Americans are.