What is Joe Biden Certified for?

We here is DogFacePonia have heard that Joe Biden is Certified or Certifiable. We get confused all the time; It makes us feel like, Joe must feel when he is giving a press conference. Anyhow, we didn’t watch; you probably didn’t either, but we thought we would investigate the options. What might Joe Biden have been certified in?

  1. Bounty Hunter: You don’t ever need to be certified for this, in some states. For some reason we don’t think Joe could even stand in front of Corn Pop without pissing himself, much less in front of Boba Fett. Joe might be Manchurian but he is no Mandalorian. So, we are pretty sure this is not what he got certified for.
  2. Fireworks Launching: I heard they had a large fireworks display when the media elected the big guy to the office of the president elect. So maybe this is what Biden got certified in. It was all just a celebration of Joe being certified for fireworks launching. Seems as likely as a celebration for being elcted to the office of the president-elect.
  3. Personal Trainer: Well Joe does get very up-close and personal with plenty of people (Especially Children), so he has the Personal part. However, he has been in the basement lately. Also since Joe can not even play with his dog without breaking his foot we are pretty sure he is not a trainer.
  4. Notary Public: We are pretty sure you need to be able to sign your own name to get this certification. We here in DogFacePonia are not sure if Joe Biden knows his own name, let alone how to spell. Also he thinks he was a running for Senator so.
  5. Certified Bartender: We understand this is a great way to start your career as a Politician thanks to the mind-numbing things that AOC says. However, even if this certification opens doors, we think Joe Biden is not at the beginning but the end of his career as a politician.
  6. First-Aid: We are going to go with NO on this one. Maybe Doctor Jill knows something we don’t.
  7. Used Car: Older outdated model, Still runs, but is not reliable. This is it Joe Biden was Certified as a used car and to think it only took 47 years. He so old he can be called Classic and just like a true classic Democrat he was been friends with KKK members and supported Segregation and Jim Crow.

I am glad that through superb investigation and deduction, we have been able to let you know what the Big Guy was certified for. Though we were at first wondering if maybe he has been declared certifiable. We then asked Dr. Jill Biden and she said no. So we just ended our research right then and there like responsible media. For a second, we wondered if maybe we were not talking to Dr. Jill Biden, but rather Joe Biden’s sister. After a modicum of thought we decided there is no way we would confuse a sister with a wife.

Well so there you have it. Joe Biden is clearly a certified used car. I guess now all we need to do is worry about who is driving the car.

Image From: “Joe Biden” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Gage Skidmore