Kaepernick’s School for Kneelers

Colin Kaepernick is introducing his World-Famous Kneeling class. It seems that many are having trouble understanding the technical aspect of the proper kneel. In this multi-part course you will learn how to kneel like Kaepernick and do it right. We have had a few major people signed up for this class already. The first lesson of Course is below with some comments from the few fortunate attendees. Martin Luther King Jr., Lebron James, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Tebow, and Jesus.

Lesson 1: Disrespect

The First rule of Kneeling is you should never kneel unless you can offend enough people to get attention from the media.

Lebron had a few questions about this rule and Kaepernick was ready to handle them. Lebron asked Kaepernick, “Since I can’t even take a dump with the media asking the color and smell, I really don’t need to do anything except offend people, right? Kaepernick said rolling his eyes, “yes, Lebron can you please not rub it in our faces some of us work for a living.”

Martin Luther King Jr, “I don’t understand how disrespect gets us anywhere,” Kaepernick then told him, you need to change with the times and your way has totally failed. Thankfully, I am here and can guide you all.”

Tim Tebow, then with a smug grin, said, “I been kneeling in football in all my days.” Kaepernick, chimed back, “Listen snowflake, Tebowing is not the same as kneeling, kneeling is not enough, you have to kneel for the right reasons, nobody cares about God anymore.”

“Excusing Me, Colin people don’t even think I am alive.” said Jesus. “Listen, Jesus you had a good run at getting people to kneel but that was like 2000 years ago. Get with the times and pick a cause. Dying on the cross for everyone’s sins is like saying All Lives Matter,” Said Kaepernick.

Nancy Pelosi, waving her fist is the air vigorously; jumped in and said, “I offend just by existing so am I a Natural? “. Kaepernick responded, “Seriously, you can’t even kneel without showboating it by wearing a dazzled outfit, also you look like a drunken fool when you try to stand up afterward.” Nancy then pulled out a flask and said, “Thanks Colin for reminding me to take my meds.”

Kaepernick then closed the first lesson by asking all 5 to kneel before him. Then Zod busted in disrespectfully and demanded “Kneel before me!” Kaepernick responded, “Zod, you can’t just demand people kneel you have to show them how!” Kaepernick then turned on the National Anthem and began to kneel.

NFL teams are scouting this class to find potential candidates to fill the new kneeler position on their rosters.

We here in DogFacePonia are not sure if this program can be successful, but we know that if the money comes in Kaepernick will be ready and willing to teach. We look forward to future lessons with Kaepernick.

Image From: “Kneel” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Thomas James Caldwell

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