Paxlovid : Just When You Thought Pfizer Got Enough Government Money

Paxlovid Box with Money coming out.

Pfizer wonderdrug Paxlovid is all the rage for Covid these days. Why shouldn’t it be, it’s claim is that it has a 89% decrease in hospitalization of high-risk patients infected with Covid. That is if you take it for a full 5 days and start it within 5 days of first symptoms.

What’s with the Name?

First things first, you have to wonder who comes up with these names. When we first saw Paxlovid we thought the media created a new kind of Disease they created by mixing Covid with Monkey Pox. No such luck. We guess that would be Poxlovid. So let’s break this down a bit. Pax by definition is “Kiss of Peace”. Another definition is a long period of dominance and peace (See Pax Romana). So the name could reference to Pfizer or Covid’s coming reign of dominance.

Another possible idea is a kiss of peace from Covid. The number one known side effect for Paxlovid is altered sense of taste. What this really means is you get to have a continually disgusting taste in your month for 5 days. It is probably what it tastes to French kiss Wuhan Bat with Covid so the name fits. The good news is you can’t smell it.

The 89% Claim

So where does the 89% claim come from? Pfizer’s own research of course. They only did tests on unvaccinated people who had not had a prior Covid infection. We almost forgot the most important part – it was done before Omicron. Take note (at the time of writing) that children under 12 are not authorized by the CDC to use Paxlovid. So according to the CDC number that 87% of the population over 12 (at the time of writing) have received at least 1 dose of the vaccine. You cut out another 60% of these people for having already had Covid and it looks like maybe 6% of people fall into the camp this was tested for. That is of course if it works on Omicron because it was tested before that.

So, this simple answer is some doctors don’t have a feeling of certainty that it will work. Some things we do know is that it could cause an increase in blood pressure. So, though unlikely, it could lead to heart attack, similar to some reported side effects of Pfizer’s vaccine. Best of all after taking Paxlovid for 5 days some people get rebound Covid. So, it doesn’t stop the spread of the virus just like the Pfizer vaccine!! Most importantly, if you take it Pfizer is 100% more likely to get the $500 per 5-day dose from the taxpayers or printed money. Go Go Inflation! The government bought at least 5.9 billion dollars’ worth that way you know it works. Pfizer thanks the Biden Administration for helping them to continue to be the most profitable Pharmaceutical Company around. As an added bonus Paxlovid (at the time of writing) is on EUA so you probably can’t sue if anything goes wrong. How convenient for Pfizer.

We here at DogFacePonia are not doctors and never claimed to be. Maybe check with your doctor if you have worms and get some Ivermectin. It has received a Nobel prize after all. Then again maybe Paxlovid will someday.

Disclaimer: DogFacePonia is a Satire Website. Anything said It is not intended to be taken as Medical Advice or as Reliable Truth. If you have questions on treatments, we recommend you contact your doctor or other medical professionals for more information. Nobody at DogFacePonia is a doctor. See our About Page for More Information.