If you haven’t seen the brought to you by Pfizer montage video you really should. The video presents what we all already know. Much of The Mainstream Media is/has been brought to you by Pfizer or bought for you by Pfizer depending on how you look at it. We at Dogfaceponia were left wondering what else they could have brought/bought us.
Brought to You By Pfizer:
- The Pi Variant – What comes after Omicron? Well, Pi of course. Is there any Greek letter more loved than Pi? Pi is delicious. So enjoy this new variant, Pi, brought to you by Pfizer. Pfizer is happy to bring you pie and variants as long as you get a booster. They see it as a win-win.
- The Blue Pill AKA Viagra – Want to party like it’s 1999? Pfizer can do that for you. Queue the Matrix on DVD or VHS. Get your little blue pill ready. Strangely, I am starting to see this more these days. Nothing to see here.
- Myocarditis – Many are saying this supposedly rare heart inflammation is on the rise. Just like the Grinch your heart can grow 3 times. Merry Christmas, better late than never.
- Heart Attacks – In the same vein, some are saying heart attacks are on the rise in young Pfizer-vaccinated people. Some have called this Post-Pandemic Stress Syndrome. We think Pfizer might really want to own this. Why not market it, and throw some blood clots into the mix as a bonus?
- Sesame Street – Elmo and Big Bird want you to get an experimental vaccine. What could go wrong? They look totally healthy. When Pfizer pays a red monster with a high voice that never grows up and an obese overgrown bird to tell us what to do. We surely must listen, right? Pfizer will say this is out of goodwill toward children not billions in profit.
- Opioid Addiction – Pfizer and other companies have paid billions to settle the opioid crisis they helped to create. If you have a valid claim for vaccine injury, you can expect your settlement money in 2096 when Pfizer plans to settle any issues.
- Zombie Apocalypse – Zombies are typically brain-dead but want to eat your brains. There is a calm in being brain-dead. After all, you can ignore facts and just believe what you are told. It’s easier that way. Sounds like a lot of the left these days. How many boosters do we need to be a full zombie? Maybe Pfizer can just keep supplying them until we get there.
- The CDC (and FDA) – Ever wonder who works at the CDC, former Pfizer employees who probably still own stock? No conflict of interest at all. Even when Merck has a COVID-19 drug, be sure to approve Pfizer’s first. The CDC just has good feelings about Pfizer. They have a long-term relationship after all.
- Asteroid strike? – Has the universe decided to destroy us? Who knows but if it does, we think a brought to you by Pfizer logo would make the most sense. It’s Trump’s fault doesn’t have the same ring to it.
- Never-ending Pandemic – Pfizer makes a lot of money off the pandemic. They want you to know they will be here for you, as long as there is still money to be made.
- President Joe Biden – Remember right before the election when Trump was saying he would have a vaccine soon? Pfizer seemed to wait intentionally until after the election to announce the vaccine. This sounds like election manipulation to us. Could it be that Trump had taken a hardline stance with Big Pharma and they wanted him gone? Possibly, Thanks to Brandon and his buddies, Pfizer. Let’s Go, Pfizer!!
We at Dogfaceponia believe there is one thing Pfizer is not bringing us and that is the truth. Luckily, we got it after all, and it didn’t take 75 Years.
Disclaimer: DogFacePonia is a Satire Website. Anything said is not intended to be taken as Medical Advice or as a Reliable Truth. If you have questions about treatments, we recommend you contact your doctor or other medical professionals for more information. Nobody at DogFacePonia is a doctor. See our About Page for More Information.