Shocking Stimulus Poll

Stimulus Package written on a pad of paper.

A CNN Poll on the recent stimulus showed that if you ask people stupid questions you will get stupid answers. CNN showed that 66% of “Americans” support the Stimulus package. We will carefully note this is a highly accurate poll just like all the election polls that showed Biden was up by triple digits. Biden won by several massive dumps but not by double digits. Also the People in the survey had to know how to answer a phone which nobody under 35 knows how to do. Conservatives used Caller Id and said it was CNN and refused to answer. This highly representative poll only has a 33 point error margin.

We obtained the line of questions they used to determine this.

1.) Are you in favor of a free $1400? 66% of people who actually answered the poll said yes and 30% said what is the catch. The other 3% said they were unsure what they identified as. Many of those polled recently had their vehicle warranty expire and renewed it over the phone. They are also waiting for their checks from a Nigerian Prince any day now.

2.) Do you support Increased Unemployment Benefits? 66% said yes because if they had a job they wouldn’t be wasting time answering this stupid poll. 33% said they identified as employed and actually wanted to work so they just wanted their government to open the economy.

3.) Do you support President Biden? They just used an old presidential election poll and showed 110% of people approved of everything Biden does. Many said they are glad he does not say mean things on twitter.

4.) Do you know how many zeros are in a Trillion? 25% say What is a Trillion? 25% yes a Trillion, 50% said what does this have to do with the Stimulus. I have to admit I did know off the top of my head how may zeros there are. I do now (12) and thanks to the famous 1980’s New York Times Article I can now understand a few other things.

“A trillion seconds ago, there was no written history. The pyramids had not yet been built. It would be 10,000 years before the cave paintings in France were begun, and saber-toothed tigers were still prowling the planet.”

Figure twice that just for this bill not to mention the rest of the debt running close to $30 Trillion. They figured anyone who doesn’t know what a trillion is must support the bill.

Of course some questions that were not asked were: Do you support another bail out for The Kennedy Center? Do you support Gender Studies in Afghanistan? Do you support bailing out Kamala’s buddies in San Francisco? Do you realize that if the government divided the money evenly we would get $6000 each not $1400.

But support is a relative term I suppose. We did show that if you ask stupid people stupid questions you will get stupid answers at least 66% of the time.

We here at DogfacePonia recommend that everyone learn basic economics and taxation policy. That way you can understand the government is paying you back with your own money. We also recommend you look into Zimbabwean and Venezuelan Economics it could be useful.

Image From: “Wooden office desk table with calculator” (CC BY 2.0) by wuestenigel