Trannequins Coming to a Department Store Near You

Mannequin in Garbage

Department stores have been struggling in recent times. Kohls’s, Macy’s, JC Penney have been struggling and closing stores. Sears is effectively gone. Times are hard for these once titans and the future is bleak.

The Management could examine the problems. Like lease prices, lower foot traffic, web competition, etc. Instead of this they have asked marketing for help. Marketing informed them they had a problem, and it was mannequins. Take a look they said. “First off, they have man in the name, so they are misogynist. Next, they are typically white, talk about White Privilege!!! And this is not only allowed to exist but is given center stage in our stores across America.” Marketing then said, “The only way to fix their business is to use trannequins.” Just look how the trans movement has helped Bud Light and Target!!!

New Designs

Designers have been hired to create the best cutting-edge designs. They plan to use Dylan Mulvaney as a model for casual wear, Lia Thomas for swimwear, and Rachel Levine filling out plus size. This all makes perfect sense to tailor their clothing to what is at max 0.5% of their customers. It also is noted that is the trannequin will only come in black and brown regardless of the shape model. Just picturing the trannequins in your head is enough to make want you to beat your head against a wall until you pass out from a concussion.

We here at DogFacePonia suggest instead of new trannequins they could use crash test dummies. It will be helpful when the stock prices crash even worse than they already have. The good news is trannequins may stop the bleeding at these companies by ending them entirely. Still, they will all have an excellent ESG score!

Garbage Queen of Queens” (CC BY 2.0) by Bryan Pocius