On Tuesday, in a scary event, Ilhan Omar’s Office received a suspicious document. Law enforcement has dismissed the document as unharmful. That is unless you are an 18th-century Britishman. Everyone on her team is ok and Capitol police determined it all to be safe.
The document received was the US Constitution. We understand that a document like this may seem quite dangerous to people not born in the United States of America. Thankfully, Capitol Police determined it to be safe. Omar disagreed as she was concerned that reading it might impact her health. (She also apparently has avoided reading Common Sense By Thomas Paine). If all that was not enough it had postage with American flags on it. All this was too much for her to bear, we thought for a moment that she was going to go into a story about being Almost Murdered.
Omar later tweeted, “They can send threatening emails, phone calls, and packages to distract us but nothing will ever slow us down.”
We understand that Ilhan Omar has received countless emails that read, Let’s Go Brandon. She has reported every one of these emails. The Capital Police are looking into the threats Brandon may pose to the country. The countless, Let’s Go Brandon, phone calls have also been reported by Omar’s Office. Investigators are trying to determine if the messages said, Let’s go Brandon or Go Back To Somalia. If only we could find a Liberal reporter to do translations for us.
One person also had the audacity to wish her Merry Christmas and sent Omar a gift. People must be grateful for all she has done for people around the world. Omar then contacted Merrick Garland to file a Domestic Terrorist report, which he sent back to her with proper corrections.
We here in DogFaceponia, wonder what the US Constitution slows down in Ilhan Omar’s mind, or if her mind even functions at a normal speed. We do agree however Brandon is a clear and constant systemic threat. If only we knew the intentions of the insidious dangerous Brandon. Maybe we should reach out to Christopher Steele for assistance, but he is still busy promoting his first piece of fiction.