Merrick Garland Announces DOJ Will Investigate People Chanting F Biden

Merrick Garland being Applauded by Joe Biden and Barrack Obama

In a memorandum Attorney General Merrick Garland said “There has been a disturbing spike in harassment, intimidation and chanting. These chants run counter to our nations core values.” Garland then said he was committed to use the full authority of the Department to counter these chants. As a result, The DOJ will begin investigating the sports fans chanting F*** Joe Biden at athletic events. These events include college football games, NASCAR races and anywhere Joe Biden goes in Michigan. Garland sees these chanters as Domestic Terrorists.

Garland, who was once nominated to join the Supreme Court, clearly understands the constitution and the Bill of Rights. As a results he see it runs counter to core values to allow things like Free Speech. Garland and the Biden administration are concerned on many other fronts as well. They believed that college campuses and Michigan were owned by the DNC. As a results. they assumed those who set foot on them had been entirely brainwashed. Democrats see this as a huge set back and will need to tighten the grip on the ideas spreading on colleges campuses. There also is another deep threat. Many recognize that Hunter Biden is the result of an encounter suggested by the slang used in F*** Joe Biden. Another child in the Biden family would certainly be another threat to National Security just like Hunter.

Although it is unlikely Joe would be able to conceive again at his advanced age, it is not unheard of. John Tyler who was President from 1841-1845 had 2 living grandchildren as of 2018. Interesting he wasn’t ever elected president by the people just like Biden. Instead, he took office after the death of president William Henry Harrison. John Tyler was so unpopular he wasn’t even on the ballot as a sitting president in 1844. Our agents have uncovered some evidence that there may have been chants of “F*** John Tyler” at duels.

Some sports fans are concerned. They are considering changing their chants to “F*** Merrick Garland” or “F*** the FBI” in order to evade detection. Our agents have been informed that “F*** the Police” chants would still be acceptable. To not appear suspicious, we at DogFacePonia recommend chanters go with “Let’s Go Brandon“.

There could be some positive developments from all of this. With the DOJ and the FBI wasting all their time trying to investigate 80 million or more people, they might not have time to plot another insurrection.

Image From : Chuck Kennedy for The White House, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons