FBl profilers have released the following profile of a subject who may be dangerous to the public. These forms are filled out for all suspected people.
Name: (redacted due to legal concerns) J** B****
Housing: Public housing. Previously lived in a basement.
International: Travel to countries like China and the Ukraine. Hidden international banking transactions in the Cayman Islands.
Narcotics: Possible family drug use. Assists Mexican cartel members to import drugs.
Sexual Deviant Behavior: Sniffing. Family loves lap dances. Showers with daughters and nieces according to reports.
Relationship to White Supremacists: Associated with KKK and Robert Byrd. Doesn’t want children to go to school in a racial jungle.
Firearms: Surrounds h**self with armed guards. Doesn’t let guards use MyPillows.
Religion: Public display of religious fervor. While defying the same religions with life and policy choices.
Mental problems: Observed to be confused. Doesn’t know where they are. Refers to voters as Lyin’ DogFacePony Soldiers. Says lots of Malarkey. Gets wife and sister confused.
Physical indications: Trips when confronted by winds in excess of 5 mph. Terrible at walking dogs. Frequently gets foot trapped in mouth.
Weapons: Talks of “Confiscating” weapons from others.
If you know someone with a similar profile, please contact the FBI. The life you save may be your own.
Image From: “National Night Out 2016 – FBI Cincinnati” (Public Domain) by Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)