Chicago Reelects Equity, Inclusion and Rampant Crime

Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson

In a tight race between 2 Democrats for Chicago Mayor. Brandon Johnson defeated Paul Valles to be a new woke mayor of Chicago. Lori Lightfoot lost the election in the first round but her spirit lives on through the Equity, Inclusion, Diversity and Rampant Crime. Brandon Johnson plans to carry her scepter forward for another 4 years.

Paul Valles was backed by a strong coalition of Republicans, that are still dumb enough to live in Chicago, and people who don’t want to get killed or robbed. Valles is described by some as a Centrist Neo-Liberal. This would make him closer to being a Republican than Marxist Brandon Johnson. Brandon Johnson was supported by the Teachers Union and is believed to have carried the dead vote. This increased in number after all the people who were murdered while Lori Lightfoot was Mayor.

A New Chapter but the same Book

The Associated Press called the race with 99% of precincts reporting. Mr. Johnson was ahead by a margin of nearly 16,000 votes.

“Tonight, is the beginning of a Chicago that truly invests in all of its people,” Mr. Johnson said. “With our voices and our votes, we have ushered in a new chapter in the history of our city.”

By new chapter Johnson means that same chapter Chicago has been living in since 1931. 1931 was the last time Chicago had a Republican Mayor. Today’s Chicago features food deserts, inequity, division, crime and violence. Most of Chicago seems to believe the best way to fix problems created by Democrats is to elect more Democrats. In 2021 for instance Chicago had more murders than any other city in the US.

Johnson plans to make sure the city is safe for nobody that way it will be equitable. This will be inclusive because all parts of the city will be included in the carnage. Finally, he will encourage white people move to the Suburbs to escape the crime. This will make Chicago more diverse.

We interviewed some voters to get an understanding of how they voted.

“I was thinking about voting for Brandon Johnson, then I got shot at on the way to the polls. After that I changed my mind and voted for Paul Vallas” said Jeffery, a voter from the south side.

“I voted for Brandon Johnson, Paul Vallas said something vaguely Pro-life 10 years ago. He must hate women. My Body, My Choice and I want to be able to have an abortion even if it means I have to dodge bullets” said Jennifer, a student from Lincoln Park.

“Brandon Johnson is the solution to all our problems, that we have had for years that were caused by other members of his party like Paul Vallas” declared Chantel, who lives in the Pilson Neighborhood.

Brandon Johnson has said he plans to replace police officers with social workers. If Johnson’s goal is to increase the crime rate, this will totally work. For now, St. Louis and Detroit still have higher crime rates. They do not, however, have a higher total number of crimes as they are smaller cities. Johnson will be working hard to ensure Chicago can be the tops in both those categories.

We here at DogFacePonia now see how Equity, Diversity and Inclusion will totally fix Chicago just like they did when Lightfoot was elected. In 4 years, if Chicago hasn’t burned totally to the ground, Johnson will be replaced by another Democrat saying the same things. Let’s Go Brandon (Johnson).

Image From: TDKR Chicago 101, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons