Coke’s New Direction: A JaB and A Smile

Crushed Coke Can

After a stock price drop from 616 to 465 this year, COKE Consolidated is looking at reimagining and rebranding to regain their previous stock price. Just like when Coke took actual cocaine out of the drink they need new direction (fentanyl?). There have been new names suggested such as CHOKE for COKE; SPITE for SPRITE; JaB for TaB. Some have even suggested rebranding Barq’s as Baaa for the sheeple. It’s all about knowing your audience.

JaB has a great appeal at this time and may get a government subsidy. The advertising would support the vaccine mandate and piggyback on government advertising which says “get the Jab”. The company will create the myth that Jab cola will provide immunity to Covid if you drink it daily. It might even help you Be Less White.

The company is negotiating with the government to allow an exemption for those who drink JaB daily. The hope is Truckers will terminate their convoy in that event.

New slogan possibilities:

  • Things go better with a JaB
  • Have a JaB and a smile
  • JaB is the Real Thing
  • JaB after JaB after JaB
  • With JaB you have a future
  • I’d like to give the world a JaB
  • JaB is an armsticker
  • Take a Jab at being less white

We at DogFacePonia think this will cause COKE stock to take off like Biden’s Approval Ratings. Unfortunately, they can’t change the market symbol to CHOKE which is too long. Perhaps they could spin-off JaB as a new company. The future of JaB merchandise is unlimited. The Woke world would go crazy over this.

Image From: “coke trail” (CC BY 2.0) by jontintinjordan