Death by Stimulus Check?

Maga Orange Cat

Carl Myson is currently on trial for the murder of his ex-wife and former mother-in-law. He is also in trouble with the Humane Society for trying to kill his wife’s orange cat. And now he says the man he voted for is about to get him killed.

According to Attorney Blake Summerhouse, Mr. Myson discovered shortly after dinner on November the 2nd that his wife and mother-in-law had voted for Trump. Myson swears he saw an orange haze and when he came to, he was sitting in his recliner clenching a butcher knife. His arms were a mass of bloody scratches. The two women were dead in the kitchen with an angry orange cat in the sink. “Trump Derangement Syndrome is a very real mental disease,” stated Summerhouse. “I can only imagine his horror at learning how his family voted.”

Summerhouse went on to explain that his firm, Summerhouse and Summerhouse, had originally accepted Mr. Myson’s case pro bono. “It’s complicated, but finances usually are,” shrugged the attorney. “The short version of the story is that the home belonged to the mother-in-law, who was preceded in death by his wife. This means that the sister-in-law inherits. After all bills were paid, he qualified for our pro bono program. Unfortunately, a $1400 stimulus check will shoot him over by $5.37 and he will no longer qualify.” Summerhouse went on to say that at one time Myson had high hopes for donations from a Never Trump group. “Unfortunately, after conversation with the Humane Society over his attempts to strangle the cat, they lost all interest in helping.”

I was able to sit in on a client/attorney chat. Summerhouse explained to Myson that the U.S. Constitution guarantees free legal help to people who are charged with a crime, provided the crime might lead to imprisonment and the person cannot afford an attorney on their own. Myson has expressed concern about the quality of defense he will receive with a court appointed attorney. He was noticeably upset and at one point quietly said “I can’t believe Biden is going to send me just enough money to get me killed. I’m going to die. I have to have a good attorney.”

As we were getting ready to go, I was allowed to ask one question “Why did you try to kill the cat?”

“It was ORANGE,” he screamed, slamming his palms down on the table. “ORANGE!”

Image From : “orange” (CC BY 2.0) by psyberartist