How To End the War In Ukraine

Sword displayed in Sunlight

While visiting Florida, President Joe Biden told the mayor of Fort Myers: “No one f–s with a Biden.” Wow! Joe is the leader the free world needs right now: a trash-talking President the tyrants of the world won’t mess with.  We’ve never had a President like him before! 

As the world’s most powerful leader, Joe can stand up to that Russian tyrant Vladimir Putin and bring an end to the war in Ukraine. This can be done Old Testament-style by flying to Moscow on Air Force One.

At Sheremetyevo International Airport, the world will witness the fight of the century. Joe will be like David, and Putin (who is five foot seven and suffers from Small Man Syndrome) will be like the giant, Goliath

However, unlike David, Joe won’t throw a stone at Putin’s forehead (because he never was a good baseball player). Instead, they will fight each other with swords.

When Air Force One lands, I recommend that Joe eat a cone of ice cream to boost his energy levels for the fight.

Moscow has many excellent ice cream shops. A Secret Service agent can buy him a waffle cone, which has a higher sugar content and is a great source of fiber. Joe should take his time and enjoy every lick! 

This “ice cream delay” tactic will confuse Putin. He will have no idea what is going on inside the plane. When the enemy is confused, it is easier to defeat him! 

As Joe exits the plane, he should walk slowly so he doesn’t fall down the stairs. Then, on the tarmac, he can challenge Putin to come out and fight based on these terms: 

  1. If Putin gets stabbed, he will send his troops back to Russia.
  2. If Joe gets stabbed, he will receive immediate surgery at Moscow Central Clinical Hospital

That’s an offer Putin can’t refuse. He would love to fight a taller man with the whole world watching. Just as Goliath underestimated David, small man Putin has underestimated the “Big Guy” Biden! 

Putin’s overconfidence is a mask for his weakness. It’s shameful that he sent his troops to attack Ukraine, while he sits safely in his office (or basement).  He started a war, but won’t go and fight himself, even though he has a black belt in judo. What a coward! 

But Joe is nothing like him. No. He is a Biden, and no one f–s with him! 

Joe can be a role model to the Ukrainian troops and stop Putin from conquering their country. He might even win the Nobel Peace Prize! 

However, if Joe drops his sword, he should keep a baseball in his pant pocket, just in case! 


Christopher Lindsay is the author of Letters from a Madman. Available on Amazon.

Follow him on Twitter at @chrislindsay70

Image From: Ricardo Cruz on Unsplash