Jim Eagle to Be Retired?

Bald Eagle

Nowadays there are many national symbols which are being objected to by Liberals. They say the flag is racist and associated with white supremacists with pick up trucks. The founding fathers are racist, after all they were all old white men. We here at DogFacePonia are not sure if it is the straw that broke the Camel, Pony, or Dog’s back. Maybe the Eagle’s Wing.

The newest movement is to eliminate the eagle as the national bird. If Jim Crow is racist then Jim Eagle must be more racist. The eagle is a scavenger so too militarist. One of the alternatives considered was the dove which is a symbol of peace. The 60s and 70s would have loved this idea. The problem is the dove is too white. Another bird originally considered was the American turkey. The turkey is full of white and dark meat which seems symbolic. The current climate is appropriate to the choice of the turkey. The choice of the turkey may conflict with the LGBTQ agenda. Male turkeys are known to be more colorful than female turkeys. This would clearly create a disturbing conflict between males and females.

The turkey will drink until it drowns if left to its own devices. The current administration spends money and will do so until the United States drowns in debt. No Democrat will object to the choice. It makes the turkey the perfect new national symbol.

Dr. Lecter always said that evil people tasted much better. This scientific theory could back everything. Who is more evil the more colorful turkey or the less colorful? When we asked CNN news about this difficult decision, they explained that the female turkeys can be very colorful on the inside and male turkeys maybe at times appear colorful but only on the outside. DogFacePonia is quite confused by this response. Turkeys always have dark meat and white meat inside, though DogFacePonia has never seen a difference, it appears some turkeys do have a rainbow inside. We forgot to ask if this rainbow inside turkey came with a pot of gold. If a turkey is rainbow on the inside what does the inside of a Leprechaun or Unicorn look like? One CNN spokesperson said if a turkey walks like a rainbow and talks like a rainbow. It is a Rainbow.

I guess we here in DogFacePonia need to Duck out of this conversation. We always thought that if it walked like a Duck, quacked like a Duck and talked like a Duck, it is a Duck. I guess there may be a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow, or maybe Bernie Sanders saying thanks for your money. If none of this makes sense to you join the club of 75 Million+ Americans.

Image From: “Bald Eagle Head on the 4th Of July” (CC BY-ND 2.0) by paweesit