National Archives to Offer Classes on Classified Documents

FBI Agent with mask and carrying a Top-Secret document box.

The National Archives are disappointed. It seems nobody takes care of documents anymore. Can you imagine if the founding fathers left the Constitution or the Declaration of Independance in a garage with their crackhead son? Patrick Madden, Director of The National Archives since 2013, believes it’s time for government officials to take classes in Classified material and other personal information.

Though they prefer to raid Presidents and Vice Presidents houses. The National Achives believes it had to do training. After all The National Archive were not given 87000 armed agents like the IRS and has to rely on the FBI to do the fun part. It doesn’t want to keep asking the FBI to raid people’s houses, and frankly doesn’t trust their handling of documents either.

The Mandatory Training will include.

  • Where and how to store your documents
  • What was in Melinas’ closet?
  • What a nuclear document is
  • Why Thomas Jefferson would have hated you
  • How to prevent your crack addicted son from selling documents to China
  • How not to leak other people’s social security numbers
  • Redacting for morons
  • What to do if a Chinese spy wants to sleep with you.
  • Use of Tik Tok.
  • Proper ways to dispose of Documents
  • How stage Documents folders for pictures
  • Where is the safest spot to store documents in your corvette?
  • Aliens

We here at DogFacePonia think this class could be helpful for National Security. The Democrats will probably try to block it.

Image From: “Please Step Away!” (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) by greyloch