FBI Mar-A-Lago Panty Raid

Woman in bikini with American Flag Mask

The FBI performed a historic raid on Trump’s Mar-A-Lago Home on August 8, 2022. Never before has a raid so intimate happened against a former president. This P-A-N-T-Y Raid is rumored to have been sniff tested by the Big Guy, and he sniffed a lot. Unfortunately, Hunter has tried to sniff more, but it appears he was sniffing up the wrong tree.

We have learned from sources that the PANTY Raid, code for Partisan Attacks Need Transitory Yodeling. Nancy Pelosi was singing praises right away and really making complete sentences for once. In realty, what is the MSM? They seem like a bunch of Yodeling Partisan Attackers that are transitioning gender, or full of transitory inflation.

No one has been briefed on the yield of the PANTY Raid from the FBI locker room. Karine Jean-Pierre is confident in the FBI and its hard sources. Either way it makes for great news. The starving Media has not had a Trump tweet in so long CNN’s ratings are dropping faster than Joe Biden’s Poll numbers.

Melania Trump’s Panties were found in plentiful supply during the raid, photographed and confiscated. New postings on Ebay and Amazon both seem to show similar line items. Captioning Melania Trump Panties with FBI Certificates of Authenticity for sale for a limited time. One can only assume Biden supporters are only paying out at approval ratings for the time being. Clearly the Biden Basement 55% approval was more appealing than the 36% rate it pays now. Makes you wonder where Paul Pelosi is putting his bets.

Stormy Daniel’s Panties are not fetching a high locker room price any longer and are considered gold digger rather than gold mine. At least she had a good lawyer, who is in jail now (street credit), still he said he could run for president. We guess one could assume the Stormy Panties already had many miles on them anyhow.

Ghislaine Maxwell’s panties were rumored to be found and then disappeared faster than items in Jeffrey Epstein’s safe contents. Our confidence is lacking but at least the results are consistent, Nothing to See Here. We are happy it is just another rumor.

Our correspondents attempted to contact the FBI and the DOJ for comment. Unfortunately, the question, Boxers or Briefs? Proved to offend their Liberal sensibilities. Being a proper upstanding organization we here in DogFacePonia sent a gift basket of tissues. Somehow, we thought a fruit basket would send the wrong message.

Shockingly some panties were identified with male DNA. However, no one is sure how to identify a woman anymore, so this may be a question the Supreme Court can help us with, hopefully a racially and sexually qualified Court; or maybe just a levelheaded realistic group. Clearly, the answer will again be a complicated transitory issue with the panties, and some imagined inflationary issue.

We have no details on how many panties were illegal panties, as that is a key issue to keep secret. Tragically we assume it was numerous, cause we all know DC, NY and Florida want as many illegals’ as possible.

We here in DogFacePonia believe it is entirely possible that all this crazy talk and raids could have something to do with Transitory Deflationary poll numbers indicating Brandon is a bad President. Just maybe Big Daddy Joe needed a good old fashioned panty raid against his opposing fraternity. Now he may rise again like Jesus or Darth Vader… Wait For It… as Dark Brandon! I wish I was Joking but IMO a Brandon is just FJB!

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Image From: “Nice face mask” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Thirteen Of Clubs