Portland, OR – For what may be the first time in history, Immunologists and Legal scholars have joined forces. They have confirmed that rioting in Portland grants you blanket immunity from COVID-19 and legal action.
Immunologists researching riots over the last 60 days in Portland (in a country with growing cases of COVID-19) has shown no new cases of COVID-19. In fact it seems the rioting has led to the magical cure. All rioters are now immune to COVID-19 and allowed to go anywhere and do what they like.
Legal Scholars also say they are Immune from prosecution because of a history of inequality. Nothing can be done from a legal standpoint as it might be politically unpopular. Should charges be brought rioters will be pardoned by the Governor. So Trump is to blame for all the damage.
The only risk rioters seem to face is that property owners, like say the Federal Government, will choose to protect their property somehow.
But continued rioting might be worth it to get other immunity. Only time will tell.