DogFacePonia Medical is breaking new ground in recent days. Released reports of multiple new variants that everyone should worry about. These could be worse than anything we have dealt with before. The intensive research has uncovered 4 new devastating conditions that may be incurable. These variants have proven to be extremely combative to everything that MSM understands.
TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME: This disease has been been around for a while but it seems that the syndrome may have multiple related or extreme forms.
PIGLOSI VIRUS: This extreme variant of Trump Derangement Syndrome calls for impeachment whenever it has nothing better to say, which is basically all the time. This variant has an insatiable need for ice cream. It has devastating effects on those who look in the mirror. We know looking in the mirror may seem harmless, but tests have been run. DogFacePonia has determined at this point we cannot even translate the results into simple text. God has not created words to describe the these effects completely. If you have been diagnosed this variant, you should wish for a quick and painless death. DogFacePonia medical makes no promises beyond that.
SHOE-MERS VIRUS: This variant is an intensive form of Trump Derangement Syndrome. This virus has a devastating need to control, everything. Some research even suggested that the virus said, “We take Georgia, then Destroy the Nation.” Many question this as a conspiracy variant. DogFacePonia Medical is doing further research to see if viruses can communicate, updates may follow in the coming months. Another symptom is a sudden need to discuss Erections out of normal context. If you think you have this do not under any circumstances take Viagra.
AOC VIRUS: This variant of Trump Derangement Syndrome is very deadly, the spread of the variant is yet unknown but may be internet contagious. Another virus spoke, “This is going to be the New Deal, the Great Society, the moon shot, the civil-rights movement of our generation.” It is confusing to have viruses speak, but DogFacePonia understands that variants only want to survive, so maybe this variant is only speaking in self-interest. Clearly, this will take more research, but without the source for testing we may not get the optimum results. However, it has been determined this variant is not capable of lifting itself up by its own bootstraps. This variant has been determined to know absolutely nothing about economics and has a complete lack of common sense. Tests have yet to be run on patient zero, because the patient has an extreme fear of reality and Republicans. It is believed that if we could get sample from patient zero proof of brain damage is likely.
BIDEN VIRUS: This variant may not be deadly in the current state, but it is clearly growing at an exponential rate. DogFacePonia sees higher liberalism, less freedom and even a risk of communism as a possible future. This variant was once very neutral but has become very erratic and extremely impulsive over what some estimate is 47 years. Our DogFacePonia specialists are not sure if this disease has been effecting the population long before Trump Derangement Syndrome or if it is a variant of the two conditions magnifying each other. Biden virus has been determined to cause an excessive use of pens and circles.
We here in DogFacePonia are wearing our masks, these variants are a risk to everything and everyone. One way that has been determined to avoid these variants is to avoid watching CNN as it seems to be a common existential thread in all of these variants. We here in DogFacePonia believe we had minimal exposure. However, we are worried about many people in the world who may lack common sense.