Joe Biden has lost the election for Senate in Dogfaceponia. The vote was close.
Willie B Dunken got 5, Rod Blagovich (former Illinois governor) got 4 and Biden got 1. 99% of Districts are Reporting but there still could be Millions of votes not counted yet.
The only Biden vote was likely a lying dogface pony soldier. Biden intially thought he would win but as he called us all liars, he ending up losing.
The responsibilities for Senator in DFP include selecting the snacks for the break room on Fridays and choosing the meat for the annual BBQ (within price constraints – we are not allowed a $30 Trillion deficit). It’s not much responsibility in 2020 as the office is closed and the BBQ was cancelled.
Dunken was announced the winner but we are not convinced he was aware he was running. Maybe he will read this story and figure out we said he won. However, he was clearly most qualified, he is known to be excellent at selecting meats for BBQing and has experience with all kinds of fires including dumpster fires.
Trumpocrat and former Illinois governor Rod Balgoovivh received 4 votes after saying this thing was “f@$^ing golden. Some voters may have shied away from voting for him as they were concerned he would be stuck on home arrest (without a toilet) after Priztker continued never ending lockdowns in Illinois.
Biden received only 1 vote but we have decided to grant him the office of Senator non-elect because he was the only candidate that ackownledged he was actually running.
There will be a recount to determine the winner before the vote is certified.
This is a closely watched race by all 10 of the frequent visitors to DogFacePonia.
Some may call this self indulgent article silly and we agree. We did make up the story and the Senate office but at least we didn’t pretend he won the presidency.