A New International Games has been created for the Liberal masses. In an effort to help the real Olympic Games regain its intended stature. These games will be called the Liblympic Games. The Liblympic Games will be more closely related to the Special Olympics; as it will only represent a subset of the people of the world. These games will eliminate non-essential things like athletic competition redirecting focus on protests. Athletes can identify as whatever they want in these games. One event will even focus on who can identify as more genders. Men can compete against women creating equity. All animals will be able to compete in events so long as they identify as HomoSapiens. Horses can complete in the 40 meter dash. Dolphins can swim in the 100 meter freestyle. It will be like a circus. Athletes will be allowed kneel down whenever they want, it should be glorious to watch.
The Liblympic Games will be broadcast on ESPN 8 (The Ocho) in the inaugural season. Liberals all around the globe are expected to tune in. Concerns about the ratings have already been voiced on the news, bringing doubts to the future Liblympics. We believe that it will have similar ratings to the NBA but that may be optimistic. A suitable location was difficult to find, as many cities rejected the opportunity to host as they felt they could not handle the death and destruction via peaceful protests. Finally, Chernobyl accepted and will host the first Liblympics. These games will provide a place for people to disrespect their county. LaClowny James is expected to make his mark on the world in the Liblympics which is sure to bring laughter and joy for generations to come.
The Liblympics will also allow talented Olympic athletes of all nations, color and creed to shine and represent their counties with pride, just like the Olympics of old. Historic Patriots like Jessie Owens will remain disassociated with today’s garbage. Jessie Owens lived in a different nation when he won 4 Olympic Gold Medals in the Berlin Olympic Games in 1936. The President of his Nation did not even congratulate him as he stood proudly with a salute to his Flag. This is a man who earned medals for a somewhat ungrateful nation deserves his place in history. It is rumored that Jesse Owens, a Republican, turned over in his grave when Athletes refused to visit the American President after winning championships. By turning over in his grave Jesse Owens was clearly protesting the fact that dead Republicans are still denied the right to vote even today or maybe he was just ashamed that someone would turn down an opportunity he never received.
We here at DogFacePonia don’t know what to think of the Liblympics. We hope more innovative ideas will take hold in athletics but change takes time. An opportunity for us to enjoy competitive sports once again would mean a lot to us.
Image From: “Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games: Monument of Ol” (CC BY 2.0) by Dick Thomas Johnson
