Black Food Matters

Families need to take a serious look at their pantry. White food is out. You need to remove these items. Otherwise you risk being publicly shamed by anyone who is aware you have these banned items. Your children might be at risk if they admit they eat cupcakes that are white or have white frosting. If things get bad the Lying Dogfacepony Soldiers will go from house to house and remove the offending products or worse.

White Rice – This is clearly not needed as brown rice is available in nature. An easy decision here. White rice banned!!

Eggs – You can eat eggs but only the yoke. The whites are no yoke. Must be in brown shells though.

Sour Cream – Clearly a banned item that is both white and sour. Attitude matters.

Ranch dressing – The old west was clearly racist. How many black cowboys do you find? The dressing needs some color otherwise it is banned.

Marshmallows + marshmallow fluff – That eliminates not only marshmallows but also s’mores and many fudge recipies to name just two. All items containing marshmallow are banned!!

Sugar cookies – You can clearly see they would be banned unless food coloring is used. We will discuss the corrupting influence of sugar later. Any product with sugar is totally out of the question. Sugar cookies banned!!

Mozzarella – Really! There are other choices that are not so white. What are you thinking?! Mozzarella banned.

Half and half – Bi-racial milk is just plain heretical. Identity issues belong on the couch and not in the kitchen. And facists would have wanted pure milk. Half and half banned!!

Mayo – Fat white isn’t any better so pitch it. Besides you will be improving your diet. Mayo banned!!

Cauliflower – Even vegatables can be racist. Cauliflower banned!!

Vanilla frosting – Like really, why not have dark chocolate? Vanilla is banned!!

Milk – You just can’t avoid judgement by adding chocolate. All milk and items using milk are banned,

SUGAR – The worst offender is sugar. Sugar insinuates itself into many foods otherwise disguised as acceptable. For instance, take the brownie or devils food cake (appropriate names don’t you think). Substitution is necessary. All items containing sugar banned!!

Be sure to analyze whether other items may contained banned items or are inherently white and thus banned. Be a patriot and get rid of offensive items. Don’t be forced to do so.