Going Into the Mind of Fetterman Voters

Brain Scanner

When John Fetterman was announced as winner of the election for Senate to represent Pennsylvania, we were all rightfully a bit confused. What had happened? Just days before Fetterman debated Mehmet Oz. During the debate, he proved that he was not in a good enough mental place to hold a job at Burger King.

We began to wonder what was going through the heads of Fetterman voters when they voted on election day. We did a few brain scans on voters. It wasn’t pretty but this is what we found found.

  • I always just vote for all Democrats. Even after I lost my job and my home because they closed the coal mine.
  • CNN and MSNBC said he was the best choice.
  • Aborting babies will totally fix inflation.
  • If I only had a brain.
  • I am so excited to vote for someone just as smart as me!
  • Some guy gave me some good sh*t to stuff these ballots in the box.
  • It’s Alive, It’s Alive.
  • I just do whatever Oprah says.
  • Hey You Guys!!! Fetterman was so awesome in Goonies. I love that movie. It is a classic.
  • … …. ………….
  • Fetterman supports fracking so I will vote for him.
  • Fetterman doesn’t support fracking so I will vote for him.
  • Biden doesn’t seem to have anyone who truly understands him.
  • Bah, Bah
  • Didn’t Pearl Jam write a song about him? “Can’t find a Fetterman”
  • Fetterman is the future of the Democratic party.

As we can all see these voters are totally on top of things. We here at DogFacePonia were hoping for more data. We had to stop to save our mental health and that last one hurt us so much.

Image From “”brain scan” (CC BY 2.0) by Muffet