J.K. Rowling has been determined to be a bad influence. She has done this by having a mind of her own and expressing free thought with half-fascist ideas that utilize fantasy ideas such as science. Due to the imminent danger she represents and utter failure of cancel culture to take her out completely, a new strategy has been devised.
The Harry Potter books series will be rewritten by someone who can follow the narrative of the media today in a more perverted light. Rebranding and rewriting of the series is expected to be a huge success. These refreshed and renewed Fairy Potter books will include the titles below.
New Fairy Potter Book Series Titles
- Fairy Potter – Racist Stone
- Fairy Potter – Chamber of Genders
- Fairy Potter – Prisoner of Mar-A-Lago
- Fairy Potter – Goblet of Disinformation
- Fairy Potter – Order of the Gender Transition
- Fairy Potter – Half-Fascist Prince
- Fairy Potter – Deathly Covid
These books are expected to be written by a wise person who is unable to determine gender. Teachers’ unions are praising this decision. They are expecting these books to bring comfort and confusion to children for generations to come. One teacher said, this will become a beautiful teaching tool as the books are advanced in complexity and will support the indoctrination necessary to create mindless followers for generations to come. There were some concerns around copyright issues. They want to get around these issues by calling it satire. It doesn’t should funny but what do we know about satire. If that doesn’t work they will just plan to get rid of Rowling.
Lighting the Goblet of Fire
Plans are to burn J.K. Rowling (as a witch) with her books used as kindling. Democrats, however, are disappointed Rowling can only be burnt alive once. If you cannot make it to the main event, book burning parties will be scheduled across the nation in every major city. This event may be a bigger than even cities burning in the summer of 2020. Portland Police might need to get ready.
We here in DogFacePonia have never understood why it is so horrible to have your own opinions about issues. We suppose it is just in our half- fascist, racist, chump, deplorable nature rearing its head again. Is it our fault we did not have a chance to attend school during this glorious time of indoctrination? Maybe it is our fault; some people think we should pay reparations too. In the end, I guess we need to recognize the difference between wizardry and reality. It seems Lord Bidenmorte casts some pretty powerful spells to get the amount of votes he received in 2020. Just think we did not even believe in magic. Maybe we should start.
In related news, Quidditch will be reidentified as Quadball. Warlocks will be allowed to identify as Witches if they choose.