Super Safe Ways to Enjoy a Super Bowl Party

Las Vegas Superbowl ad on Marriot Building

Gathering virtually or with the people you live with is the safest way to celebrate the Super Bowl this year (according to your Democratic Overlords) . If you do have a small gathering with people who don’t live with you, outdoors is safer than indoors.

Here are some ways to make it Super!!

  • Remember you can freeze to death outdoors depending on the temperature, (It’s -10 in the midwest) but if your have Bernie Gloves everything is safe. Get a free pair of Bernie gloves at
  • Wear a Mask, really by doing this simple task you can prevent any sexual encounter from happening. Be the mask, hide yourself behind it and then you to can be as fake as CNN propaganda.
  • In case the mask isn’t enough, wear a Condom. Nobody should be at your house that you don’t live with. Your spouse now hates you after months of being locked down with you. Now there should be 0 shot of any unintended consequences, even if you are drunk.
  • Speaking of drinking, get alcohol (and marijuana in many states) as the Liquor store is an essential business. If anyone questions the amount of alcohol you plan to purchase, assure them you are not hosting a large party, you are just an alcoholic because of the pandemic.
  • Speaking of addictions. even if your church is closed (because it is tax exempt) on Super “Sunday”. The Casino is opened as it is essential (for additional tax revenue) .

Host a virtual Super Bowl watch party.

  • Virtual is the way to go period, stay home.
  • Gambling at home is the new rage. You can get a sign up bonus for joining any one of 87 online services (They have been sending me ads online for weeks) . Better yet sign up for all of them! Don’t worry you won’t become addicted to gambling. Being locked in your home with nothing to do because you lost your job due to COVID or the Biden Executive orders definitely won’t lead you to try to gamble more. Now is the time to bet on the Big Game. Use your $600 stimulus (if you didn’t use it for something boring like rent) and bet it on the coin flip, who will get the First Firstdown or maybe on what color The Weeknd (The band) will be wearing at the halftime.
  • Do you or someone you know need help with a gambling problem? The National Council on Problem Gambling offers help and hope. Call or text the National Problem Gambling Helpline 800-522-4700.
  • Remember a society locked in cages is not a bad thing. Look at how well it worked in the Obama Cages. Sorry I am going to need to circle back, Trump cages at the border.
  • Besides the Super Bowl is just Virtual and means nothing, as a true moron you should remember to virtually kneel and shout “Heil Hitler,” I am going to circle back again, what I meant to say was, “Heil Biden, and his executive orders.”

Attend an outdoor viewing party where viewers can sit 6 feet apart.

  • Use a projector screen to broadcast the game. Instead of watching Commercials or the pregame show switch over to CNN so all party goers can get an explanation of everything Trump did wrong. They will even show prerecorded clips from the upcoming 4 years. Showing how much Trump is future bad and everything Biden does is to save us from Trump 2024. And because we all need reminders “everything is normal and there was no stolen election!” Look around, it all looks normal to me I don’t know about you.
  • Sit at least 6 feet away from people you don’t live with. Remember not to talk or speak to anyone. Look at how Biden has set the example, hiding in the basement. BAM!!! President, think about it. You can do nothing and be president too.
  • It is now safe to cheer for Brady. He is no longer a Patriot. Before this year it was not, as we all know (because CNN told us) Patriots are Terrorists.
  • Remember to wear two or three masks (more is better) to protect yourself from COVID-19. Also get 2 or 3 different vaccines so you are 99.99% safe from the virus that already had a 99% survival rate.

We here at Dogfaceponia suggest another option is live your life, leave your house and be free to make your own choices.

Image From: “Chiefs Mania 2020” (Public Domain) by Roy Harryman