Joe Biden has declared the pandemic over. As a result everyone is now cured. Joe Biden is not a Doctor but Jill is so this is science. If you have Covid right now, it is no longer Covid. Joe Biden is just like Jesus curing lepronasy. Big changes are coming, we swear.
For now, you will still have to answer questions at the doctor’s office. Have you coughed in the last 6 months? Do you have any symptoms people would normally consider cold or allergies? Have you ever left the state? Has your Father’s Brother’s Nephew’s Cousin’s Former Roommate has ever had Covid? How many Booster shots have you had this week? If you answer these correctly they will keep your appointment. If you are having a baby it will need to wait until you test negative. Just inform the baby not to come.
Speaking of boosters, despite the end of the pandemic Pfizer and Moderna still need money. Paxlovid isn’t doing the trick, so they will still be pushing boosters from now until basically forever. Take note that Covid may be over and Biden has magically cured you. He has not done anything to myocarditis or and other Vax related injuries. Those are still on going.
The Presidency will continue to hold on to all emergency powers forever because their might be another variant. The Covid narrative is played out for now. Therefore, from now on the CDC will change gears. Monkeypox and sudden adult death syndrome (SADS) are the new official go to pandemics which they plan to use to control you. That is until they rename Monkeypox because it is racist.
We will not be given a Pi Variant. For many of us here at Dogfaceponia, Pi might be our favorite number and Pie is delicious. My hope that the Pi variant would be released on 3/14 never happened and in fact never happened at all. These bastards are withholding Pie and Pi from everyone.
In other news, inflation is also over because Biden said so. He calms it is only an inch if 8% is an inch what would you call a mile? Venezula!
The White House, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons