Mike Lindell Spins Off MyBottom

Toilet Paper tied like a Flower.

The Mike Lindell successful MyPillow CEO is creating a new venture, MyBottom.com. He intends to use the slogan For the Best Butt Wipe in the Whole Wide World go to MyBottom dot com for his new toilet paper line. This toilet paper provides a unifying experience in a divided world. Your bottom will be wiped cleaner than Dominion’s Databases or your money back! It’s so good even Democrats will be clamoring for the MyBottom TP. Unfortunately, there is a building movement for toilet paper equity. MyBottom Toilet paper is seen as white privilege. Rumor is Kamala took some to Guatemala to help her get to the Bottom of the Border Crisis.

Another planned announcement is for Giza Dream Briefs and Boxers. Just like the Giza Dream Sheets, the long staple cotton makes them ultra-soft and breathable. They have the same guarantee that they are machine washable and durable – 10-year warranty and have a 60-day money back guarantee. These will be the last undergarments you ever wear. We do recommend washing for maximum comfort.

A new book By Mike Lindell called What are the Odds? Race to the Bottom is in draft. President Trump has already endorsed both MyBottom products. He is quoted as saying “I am racing to the top while Mike is racing to the bottom”. Mike is working to get to the bottom of what happened on Election Day.

Things continue to look up for Mike Lindell and his products. Some reviews for his MyBottom Toilet Paper include:

  • It’s like sitting on Cloud 9!
  • Every sitting president should use both.
  • Products essential for everyone. I challenge anyone to bottom these products.
  • Wipe America’s bottom again. The new bottom gold standard.

We here in dogfaceponia believe everyone should take care of your bottom with MyBottom. Stock up soon, before Joe Biden brings the county to the bottom and shortages kick in.

Image From: “Fancy toilet paper” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Aaron Gustafson