MLB Becomes Universally Stupid

Cardboard Baseball Fans

Professional Sports have lost touch with with fans. The NFL has Colin Kaepernick Kneelathons. The NBA has Lebron James and his continuing stupidity. It’s really hard some days to know which sport is dumber.

The MLB, once America’s pastime, worked to become it’s woketime. It changed the Indians name to the Guardians (of the safe space of woke Morons). They had them parade around with MLB backwards BLM. Doing their best to alienate any fans that didn’t approve of their cities being burned to the ground.

To add Insult to injury now they are in a lockout. They are threatening not to work this year. This is in unity with a large part of the country that already believes they don’t need to work anymore. Millionaire players vs. Billionaire owners, at some point any fans that gave a crap left. Sorry, We don’t want to pay $150 for Yankee’s tickers with a $15 Budweiser. DogFacePonia is not sure how these prices are woke at all, broke would fit better. Even with inflation that cost is out of control and everyone knows it. The league mantra will be go broke with woke.

What will the next year bring?

Will they move the All Star game again because of climate change. Will they force a name change on the Braves and call them the Cowards or the Comrades?

We now know MLB has come to the rescue with Universal DH! They will tell us that pitchers will have less injuries, you won’t have to watch pitchers get universally struck out. The Players Union is excited now every team can pay an aging slugger, who can’t play the field, to go hit instead.

Designated What?

DH may soon change to Designated Her. It will be like children’s ball where every team had 1 girl. A gender transition might be required for players like David Ortiz. In the coming future each team may need to have a DLBTQX+. This will allow the baseball to provide better equity and opportunity. “Bring Equity to the Lineup!” will be a new rallying point for the league.

We at DogFacePonia think they should go all the way stupid and have 9 DHs. It can be like Football Offense and Defense. They would need to expand rosters for all the new players so the Players Union will be happy. Joe Biden will support this as he would consider it job creation. This way anyone who is a scholar of the game, loves it’s history and strategy, are well locked out. MLB might need to bring back the cardboard cuts as those are the only fans that they have yet to totally insult. Even they won’t fill the stands. We look forward to Viagra-man and Pfizer man in all the card board cutout glory they can provide. Major League Baseball brought to you by Pfizer.

Baseball has had eras based on scandals. They had the Spitball Era, the Steroid Era now they have the Stupid Era. Some of us at DogFacePonia grew up as baseball fans but we did not watch as single game last year. If the season is locked out all year, we won’t miss it. It seems more and more likely no one else will either.

Image From: “Progressive Field Cardboard Fans” (CC BY 2.0) by EDrost88