Sometimes the news is stranger than fiction. So, the way the news is telling us is as follows.
A MAGA extremist named David DePape went to the Pelosi house with a hammer asking, “Where’s Nancy?” He and Paul Pelosi were both in their underwear with no explanation. They were basically just having a heated conversation. Paul Pelosi said he needed to go to the bathroom and called the Police. Then instead of you know staying in the bathroom and locking the door he went out and continued the conversation. The police were still on the phone listening. When the police arrived, the intruder attacked Paul with someone’s hammer. Biden and Other Democrats will tell you this was a heinous attack on Democracy by MAGA Terrorists.
We here at DogFacePonia find ourselves wondering what really happened. Below are some of our ideas.
Some Possibilities of what really happened.
- David was mad because they forgave Student Loans. He wasn’t going to get any money because well he didn’t go to college, and he is Canadian and an illegal alien.
- The Pelosi family has millions of dollars. Paul made this by somehow knowing all the government moves. Why could they not buy a decent security system we don’t know. Maybe David maybe was pretending to be the ADT repairman why not stop by at 2:30 am to fix the system.
- He was mad about January 6th so he went to the Pelosi house looking for Nancy to let her know his feelings. The Capital Police did a great job opening up the doors at Nancy’s house as they seemed to provide literally zero protection to Nancy’s house which is a bit like January 6th in a way. Surprisingly, the Capital Police cameras also seemed to miss the incident.
- David was just coming to pick up the hammer he lent Nancy the last time they got together. David lives in a bus in Berkley. So, it makes perfect sense he was just lending his Hammer to the Millionaire Pelosi Family and he simple came by to pick it up.
- David is an ice cream and wine connoisseur. He wanted to know where Nancy was to get at her stash. You see he had no problem breaking into the house with a hammer. However, he was unable to get in the ice cream and wine safe. Unlike Paul, Nancy keeps those guarded because she cares about them. Not only that but after Paul’s DUI she keeps the wine locked up.
Many on the right are saying it was a lovers spat that somehow involved drugs. Based on the facts we see, that is probably more likely than the ideas above. Don’t be surprised if something like what we wrote is the explanation. As for right now, they are all more believable than what we are officially being told.
We here at DogFacePonia have been told we are being terrible people (or maybe ponies). Why? Well, because we are writing jokes about a man getting attacked and put in the ICU. We consider that deflection. The Democrats didn’t seem to care much when Rand Paul got attacked in the street or when a Democrat literally murdered someone just because they support Trump. Paul Pelosi is expected to make a full recovery. Maybe after he does, he can give us some kind of idea what really happened. We find it unlikely, instead he will get hammered with some wine.