Breaking news!! CNN has decided that they are far too biased in favor of liberal media. They have announced a new TV channel that will cover exclusively conservative issues. We here in DogFacePonia wondered what it could be?
The new channel will be CNN Horrible Outragous American Xenophobia or CNN HOAX. After almost four years of covering everything Republican as a Hoax or Conspiracy, this will be a whole channel devoted to it. We here in DogFacePonia have trouble seeing how this new channel will differ from CNN’s current lineup. They have assured us this new channel will cover all Republican Conspiracies with an in-depth, unbiased look at the facts, 24 hours a day. CNN is planning to use this as a way to have the primary CNN network actually cover other things (like the truth?). This is seen as a major way to reach out to conservatives.
They have a disclaimer in the fine print for all programs saying they will have zero truth just like its counterpart. We here in DogFacePonia think it is MONUMENTAL that CNN would have an entire channel that promises no truth. Clearly, our media is making deep strides to be unbiased. They are creating several shows like…
Russian Conspiracy – Hosted by Adam “Schifty” Schiffler
Quid Pro Quo – Hosted by Hunter, we have not gotten further details other than Hunter???
Antifa Does Not Exist – Hosted by Up-Chuck Schumer.
The Beauty of Portland – The host is expected to be rotation of 5 year olds riding Big Wheelers
The Big Corona – Hosted his magisty and Emmy winner Dr King Cuomo.
Q Sock Puppet Show – Hosted by Jeffrey Tubin
The Orange Man Show – Hosted By OOmpaLoompa’s Live from the Chocolate Factory.
This channel can give us all the facts we need. When CNN cannot explain a problem, a solution exists. BLAME Conservatives, Blame Russia, and when all else fails blame TRUMP. The Best Part is at some point when Trump leaves the presidency (2028?), they can still blame Russia.
We in DogFacePonia decided to reach out to CNN for comment about their new channel and shows. They responded with, ‘We believe your news is not real news, please do not contact us about our programing in the future.’ If it was not for our deep cover DogFacePony Soldiers, we would have never been able to bring you the many details we have.
We here in DogFacePonia feel very disrespected by CNN. We report great fairy tale news all the time and deserve some credit.