Groundhogs are famous for predicting Spring. According to legend, if the groundhog comes out of his burrow on February 2nd and does not see his shadow then, Spring will come early. If the groundhog sees a shadow, then it goes back into its burrow and Winter will last 6 more weeks. But the Groundhog Milltown Mel didn’t make it to Groundhogs day he died suddenly. No Word on he it was vaccinated or not. Maybe PETA can look into this? Can a dead Groundhog still cast a shadow?
We at DogFacePonia are about solutions: who will replace the groundhog? What will they see?
- Vladimir Putin – If Putin doesn’t see his shadow, the invasion of Ukraine will come early otherwise Russia will not invade for at least 6 more weeks.
- Kim Jung Ung – If he sees his shadow he with threaten the world with nuclear weapons and do missile tests. If he does not see his shadow he will do the same.
- Xi Jingping – If Xi Jingping sees his shadow then he will not take over Taiwan for 6 weeks otherwise it will wait for Russia to invade Ukraine.
- George Soros – If he sees his shadow, the United States will be the biggest problem in the world and he will try to buy more district attorneys. If he does not Xi Jingping will be the biggest threat and he will still try to ruin the United States.
- AOC – She will almost murder herself while looking for her shadow in Florida. If she sees her shadow means 1/6 more times Ted Cruz will almost murder her. Then she will wake up the next day and it will be the same; she will say she was almost murdered.
- Elon Musk – If he sees his shadow he will buy a social media platform. Is Twitter for sale? Proceed to own liberals for 6 weeks. If he doesn’t see his shadow he will install a neuralink in Joe Biden.
- Joe Biden – Joe will start with a speech announcing “George Floyd has had more global impact on Groundhog’s Day than the Groundhog”. This is all because it is black history month and the Groundhog ain’t black because he didn’t vote for Joe Biden. Now If Joe doesn’t see his shadow then his administration will come to an early end and joe will go to his basement in Delaware. Others believe instead the lunacy will have an early end. The people who believe that are crazier than Joe. Otherwise Joe will crawl back into his Delaware basement for 6 more weeks.
We have to admit part of the reason for the above selections is that we prefer most of them go underground and never come back.