It’s The Easter Season and The Democrats are excited for the Resurrection. Not of Jesus of course but John Fetterman. They will be encouraging The President and Congress to add a new holiday to celebrate. There was a lot of speculation about Fetterman after he checked himself into a mental ward and essentially disappeared. Some suggested he might be dead. Maybe he was, but he returned and will be back in Congress. “Alleluia is Risen” said Nany Pelosi a self-declared Roman Catholic. They are considering names for the new holiday. Current Ideas are Feaster or maybe Fettster.
There is some concern that at this point he might be full Zombie. If you saw his debates with Dr Oz, you understand what we are saying. Though we think he might be more like Frankenstein or Fetterstein. A doctor seems to have been able to put him back together. Just as people were starting to demand proof of life, his doctor declared “It’s Alive, It’s Alive.”
Since Fetterman came out of his tomb it’s been hard to know what to expect. We don’t know if this is a new John Betterman or just the old one put back together. A few have suggested he just doesn’t quite look the same. Either way, we are told he is new and improved. However, we have not confirmed if he can walk on water.
Easter vs. Fettster
Easter is the story of Jesus’s resurrection. It is one of God’s forgiveness, self-sacrifice, and love for humanity. The Fetterman resurrection is a bit different. He’s taller by two feet, for one thing. And bald, whereas Jesus wore Brad Pitt in “Legends of the Fall” style golden locks. And illiterate, whereas Jesus spoke in what first-century-BC Nazarenes called “full sentences.” For the Democrats who are of the religion of Power and Money it is an important day. They want to keep their vote in Congress so they can keep the power no matter what it takes. That way they can all get rich by destroying you and the country.
Nobody seems to care much about Fetterman or his health. Anyone who did would have advised him to step aside after his stroke. His Wife Giselle cares so much for him that when he was having depression issues, she ran to care for him. Oh wait, she left the country. Maybe she found a new Fetterman in Canada? Who knows? But she sure wasn’t at her husband’s side. He just started and nobody in the Democratic Party or in his family is asking him to step down.
Then again Fetterman did wear a Fetterwoman shirt during his campaign. Maybe he has made her transition official, and this holiday can be an LBTQ+ transition holiday as well. Get The Bud Light Ready! That way if you disagree you clearly hate LBTQalphabet+ people. Isn’t the Democrat’s religion great, you have to agree, or you are a bigot.
We here at DogFacePonia think they just too excited celebrating to be concerned about Fetterman. As far as we can tell this probably won’t be the last time, we get to celebrate his return for the hospital. He is just a few months into his 6 Year term. Thats why they want to make it an Official Holiday when he returns.