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Merrick Garland Plans to Investigate January 6th Until They Find a Crime Trump Committed

Merrick Garland announced today that the DOJ will continue to investigate January 6th until they can come up with something to charge Trump with. “This is about protecting the Peaceful Transfer of Power,” Garland proclaimed. They plan to investigate for as long as Joe Biden Remains President.

Garland is very interested in the peaceful transfer of power. The US has a long tradition of this (though technically nothing in the constitution guarantees it). Garland said the January 6th Investigation has been the most widespread in history. We now know that Garland is only interested in things that are widespread. This explains why the DOJ has ignored the Election Fraud. The media told them it was not widespread.

Merrick Garland and the FBI is very interested in January 6th, so much so that they don’t have time to investigate Hunter Biden. This is because it is all disinformation. Disinformation is defined as anything inconvenient to Democrats. Garland has no time for Border crisis or fentanyl overdoses as they are simply not widespread enough. 71,000 fentanyl deaths is not enough. 5 people died on January 6th (2 from heart attacks, 1 shot by the police, 2 suicides and 1 Almost Murder by Ted Cruz). “This is a problem” says Garland. We had illegal parading in Washington and holy molly it delayed the election certification by a couple of hours.

The FBI claimed that there were no signs of an organized insurrection back in 2021. Investigations have continued to collect as much data as possible from politicians on the right side of the aisle. There has been widespread data collection even down to the secret service. They must prove that Cassidy Hutchinson is telling the truth after all.

“If we investigate long enough I think we will find something that Trump did illegal,” Proclaimed Garland.

In the meantime they will ignore

  • Hunter Biden
  • 2000 Mules
  • 10 % for the Big Guy
  • Pelosi husband’s buying stocks or drunk driving
  • Selling Oil to China from strategic petroleum reserve
  • Fentanyl deaths
  • Criminals coming over the border with guns they got from Former Attorney General Eric Holder

We are confident when extra time is available investigations will proceed into a few other areas. For Instance, parents who don’t want kindergarteners learning about LBTQX, chanters yelling Let’s Go Brandon and anyone who says election fraud. These are all widespread and therefore important to the DOJ. This will help fill prison space that has opened up by not prosecuting thieves and vandals.

The White House, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

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