Guide to Lawnmowers During The Biden Regime

Reel Mower

The world is at war. Russia has invaded Ukraine. Oil Prices are go up faster than hyper-inflation. Pfizer Documents were released. Wait did you forget about Covid? The Media sure did. They also forgot Saudi Arabia has attacked Yemen. We know this has been going on for years but it is still going on and the media still doesn’t care. We need to answer some important questions, like how will you be able to afford to mow your lawn. Gas prices aren’t going down soon neither is inflation It could cost you a pretty penny. Below are some ideas we came up with.

Lawn Mowing Ideas

  • Don’t mow it – This may be the most obvious answer. I mean what is the point after all right. Is it to make your house look nice? Absolutely not, you mow your lawn to keep the local government and the Home Owners association from harassing you. These Institutions clearly have nothing better to do than demand you cut your lawn. It would seem unless you are willing to ignore them you are gonna have to mow.
  • Pay undocumented workers to do it – Biden opened up the border and since then there has been a flood of undocumented immigrants crossing it. If you look at the stereotypes this would bode well for prices for this service. Available labor is up; that should drive down prices; am I right? However, this comes with several issues. For one thing, you still need to pay for the gas, for another, Democrats have given theses immigrants tons of money not to work, and then there is inflation. So maybe this won’t work. All the above also applies to the kid in the neighborhood.
  • Reel Mower – Get Ready to party like it is 1868, and buy yourself a reel mower. They are going for like $150 at Walmart. Though by the time you read this it may have gone up as they fly off the shelves. Imagine yourself the coolest kid on the block pushing around your 19th century green technology using not gas or horsepower but the power of your own legs. Hahaha who are we kidding? You are gonna mow it once, then and circle back to the Don’t mow option. Get ready to deal with the HOA.
  • Get a Goat – Are you into Animal Husbandry? Why not get a Goat? It could munch down some grass and as a added bonus you could get some milk in the deal. If this sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Aside from the fact that this requires some discernible skills in animal care. Where does one get a Goat? Shipped from Afghanistan? Maybe hire a shepherd too? Does it feel like things are getting a bit biblical? If we bring it back, we find out that once again many municipalities have goat laws on the books. If you are thinking what the heck do goats have to do with city government and HOAs well your answer is they sort of eat the grass in an uneven way. That is right not only do you have to cut your lawn but they want it done their way. There also is the the whole goat poop problem. You know you aren’t gonna clean it up.
  • Don’t vote for Democrats – There is one obvious answer that should be mentioned. If everyone just stopped voting for Democrats, completed the keystone pipeline and used American oil instead that would probably fix everything. This may sound good but it won’t fix oil prices fast enough. Oh and the whole election fraud thing we don’t want to get into.

We here at DogFacePonia think it’s time to just ignore some HOA notices (just don’t lose your house over it), vote against the Democrats and hope it all just works out ok. Either that or maybe try to get some sheep to trim your grass they seem to be everywhere. A horse drawn lawnmower has potential. Better patent it right away. Maybe move to Michigan they banned lawnmowing in 2020 for Covid, might do the same to save us from climate change. See below.

Image From: “Reel mower” (CC BY-NC 2.0) by Gardening Solutions