Hey Secret Service, Who Left Cocaine in The White House?

Secret Service Agent Guards the White House

So, Cocaine was found in the White House. Now the Secret Service has informed America, case closed they found nothing. No Fingerprints, No DNA, No Pictures, No Video. It’s like the prison guards for Jeffery Epstein now work for the Secret Service. Nothing to see here, please tune back to CNN or MSNBC for updates on how great Bidenomics is or how anything that is wrong is Trump’s Fault.

Bringing Cocaine to the White House would be a felony. It seems like a big risk to take for a White House tour and the drug probably isn’t cheap either. Not to mention the White House is or should be one of the most secure buildings in the world. Still, they found got nothing, nada. Case closed after just a few days. All law enforcement will go back to finding charges to indict Trump for. So, we at DogFacePonia couldn’t help but wonder.

What possible explanations could there be?

  • It was a construction worker – This is the easy out. It must be some low paid worker. In an Equitable move blame the workers not the leadership or their family.
  • It’s not Cocaine its Baby Formula – It’s been rumored that Hunter is snorting this stuff to take the edge of his cocaine addiction. Now we know why there was a shortage.
  • The Secret Service brought it in – The conspiracy goes the Trump loving Secret Service, that deleted their text messages, brought it in. They risked their jobs, reputation and more just to make it look like Hunter Biden brought in the cocaine, then changed their mind about blaming Hunter because well it’s a secret.
  • It just came in from a blizzard – It’s snow or maybe a kind of snow. Either way it snowed sometime in February maybe and it has just been sitting there this whole time. If it wasn’t for Climate Change this never would have happened.
  • It was the one-armed man – Have you been alive long enough to know what this means? Congratulations, you probably are not a Democrat. That is unless you are in a nursing home and Zuckerburg is doing your voting for you.
  • Bigfoot – Nobody has ever gotten Bigfoots DNA or fingerprints. Only one grainy video exists, and some say it is fake. This illusive creature must have planted the cocaine.
  • Trump left it – It must be Trumps fault. It’s been there since he was President and they just noticed it now. There was a lot going on what with finding the keys and building a Biden basement nobody noticed.
  • Aliens – If there is no other explanation, it must be Aliens. It could be space aliens or illegal Aliens. Either way they can sneak right past the government without anyone noticing.

Of course, the answer could never be Hunter Biden. Why would the most obvious answer be the truth? That makes no sense at all.

Image From: “Secret Service Agent Guards the White Ho” (Public Domain) by Matt Popovich