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CNN Cuomo Replacement Plan, Set for Final Approval with the DNC

Chris Cuomo has been a big draw for the DNC Cover band, CNN. While he may not have as much full exposure as Jeffrey Toobin, he draws a lot of nut-jobs. Chris Cuomo has supporters and has been the cream filling between a gay rich Vanderbilt and a special gay black. We here in DogFacePonia understand that Cuomo may never have been intended to be the cream filled, high riser, the cover band planned. CNN seemed to always believe in this Oreo cookie that somehow has always been hard to swallow.

We have no idea at this point how CNN will fill the void. Below is a list of candidates discovered by our deep cover agents .

Candidates

  1. Cardi B – Nothing like tossing a bit a WAP on the air to bring in a new kind of viewer. She also fills Joe Biden’s requirements as she is black and female so we are sure Joe Biden will give his oversite approval on this move at CNN.
  2. Thomas Binger – Though he may be the wrong color and sex for the job, he clearly fills a good stupidity requirements, that is being lost with the exit of Cuomo. Besides it seems his abilities as a lawyer may require a change of career. It turns out Gun Safety Advocates also do not want to hire him. CNN is the logical choice.
  3. Jussie Smollett – With his acting credentials and masterful abilities to bring attention to complete fiction makes him high on the list as a replacement. If convicted of whatever clear racial smear campaign against him, the show can just be run from the prison. We all know when the money comes in Chicago politicians look the other way. Besides they can just make up some stories and badabing badaboom no corruption in Chicago.
  4. President Xi – Like Bringing the Wizard of Oz out from behind the curtain. We are not sure the DNC is ready to approve direct Chinese propaganda but you never know until you try.
  5. Hunter Biden – If CNN has decided that don’t want to be scrutinized for family relations again. Then this could be the prefect choice. Nobody in the main stream media bothers to scrutinize Hunter for anything. Not only that but Hunter has proven the ability to make gross amounts of money in jobs that he is completely unqualified to do. Also what better way to fill the shoes of Cuomo, than to put a relative of the President on the Air. We are sure this could not possibly effect the bias of CNN in any way shape or form. That is because it is hard to get any more biased than they currently are.
  6. MegaTron – Omicron is occupied spreading a new variant, So why not get his brother Megatron. This won’t be a problem at all Megatron can feed just information to Omicron. Megatron is the leader of the Decepticons which is synonymous with the Main Stream Media. Not only that but Megatron’s Motto “Peace Through Tyranny” is everything CNN stands for. He would fit in well.
  7. Adam Schiff – Schiff backed a totally invented Russian hoax involving the Steele Dossier and never apologized. Schiff took the fake news so far as to an Impeachment Trial and would do it again if he could. That is impressive use of disinformation. CNN wants to hire people that believe Fake Liberal disinformation and never back down.

We here in DogFacePonia understand that integrity is of the utmost importance to CNN. This explains the selections above.

image From: “Jussie Smollett” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by iDominick