FBI Struggling to Hire Enough Woke Agents

Woke in front of FBI Building

The FBI needs Manpower wait ummm … Genderneutral power or power anyways. Merrick Garland has a lot of people he wants to investigate. It is hard to get the right, wait I mean, correct agents for the job.

Finding agents used to be easier. For the most part, members of the FBI worked in other law enforcement, government agencies, or the military. They would receive FBI training and join the FBI.

Due to vaccine mandates, all those agencies lost members. Not only that but huge numbers quit or retired due to the riots and defund the police movements. All this and somehow the FBI has gotten a bad name for raiding the former president’s house looking for underwear. Worst of all the IRS is competing by hiring 87000 agents.

In the past, there was a loyalty pledge to the Constitution. This has been adjusted because Merrick Garland wanted it to be easier. Liberals are just no longer interested in loyalty to the Constitution. Now they just ask a couple of questions to determine where loyalties lie. Most of the interviewees seem to answer these simple questions wrong.

  • How many genders are there? – The expected answer constantly changing so it is tricky but they hope the interviewed person answers at least 5. If they answer 2 they are disqualified.
  • What caused the Insurrection on January 6th? The expected answer is Trump. If they answer there was no insurrection, it was a parade, or say it was due to election problems they are disqualified.
  • Should the FBI investigate Hunter Biden? No is the expected answer. Anything else means they are disqualified.

One potential plan was to recruit directly from Antifa. Antifa has no problem raiding houses and businesses. What is more fascist than Antifa? The FBI. So it would make sense. The problem here is most of Antifa is anti-law enforcement in general so the FBI is not exactly where they would fit in. That and Antifa members mostly live in mom’s basement and don’t want a job. One transgender Antifa member named Roberta said “If it becomes a job it’s not really the same as a protest.” He/It said he preferred to go counter-protest at the next drag queen event or maybe get together with his WALM friends. Roberta did say she was considering a job with the IRS.

Due to the shortage of labor, the FBI will focus on important things like Trump’s friends, Pro-Life leaders, school parents against CRT, members of the media who don’t agree with the regime, and anyone remotely linked to January 6th.

Things like Hunter Biden’s Laptop, Election Fraud, attacks on Republicans, Pro-life organizations, and churches can wait, as can other unimportant things like crimes.

Image From: “FBI” (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) by Daniel Gasienica